I have often wrestled with my oldest son's, Landon, behavior. I've wrestled with what I expect his behavior to be, and what his behavior actually is. I went through a time, which I still struggle with sometimes now, but not nearly as much, of being deeply ashamed of his behavior. It took me quite some time to realize why I was lashing out at him so much and so harshly, until one day it dawned on me that I was ASHAMED of how he acts much of the time. (If you have ever seen him through a tantrum, you know what I mean. And not everyone knows how these stubborn-rebellious-I-want-my-way-right-now children can act. Be thankful if you don't.)
My husband and I have had many discussions about how to discipline and react to Landon's actions. Most are tearful arguments, because, as any of you who are married will agree that you are not always in agreement on how to raise your children.
Landon's behavior has improved, I think, since he started preschool. He loves to compete and he is very social. I have seen small strides in the right direction.
Anyway, I came across an article today on the web which interested me about boys. It is not from a christian perspective, but it has some thought provoking ideas in it. If you have sons, and about 3 minutes, go here and read it. And leave me a comment on it if you can, I would like to hear if others have challenging children, boys especially.
5 comments:
I actually read that article yesterday. I have mixed feelings about it.
I DEFINITELY think that you can overschedule and overstimulate your kids. However, I think that there are many schools that are hyper-sensitive to this and do their best NOT to impact children in that manner.
D's school in Rock Hill is a Christian Montessori school where the main themes are peace and self-directed learning. I have never seen D 'stressed out' at all about school. I'm not sure that his school in Knoxville was as good about that, but his school here is great! For instance, he is in the elementary class this year and has homework at night. BUT...I am not allowed to force him to do the homework. If he doesn't want to do it, so be it. He's 4...it's not the end of the world.
I think it's so important to have a good balance. I think it's really important to go to preschool for social interaction and to ramp up to kindergarten. I also think that children benefit from doing SOME extracurriculars. Everything in moderation.
There is a HUGE problem in America with boys/young men. The University where I teach is 67% female. The University of Georgia is over 60% female. The trend is the same at community colleges. Where are the boys??? It really concerns me.
Sorry for the book....you should never ask me what I think. ;)
So great to hear other mothers who are open about their struggles with their sons. This past year has been a very rough one with my little guy. He just turned 5 and while things are improving, he does have that I want it now and I want it my way mentality and I've struggled so much in the Christian circle with feeling like such a failure as a Christian mom. My son shouldn't be like this, he shouldn't be this selfish etc because we are believers and we pray for him and he hears God's word regularly...but it just doesn't work that way. Can't wait to read the article and thanks again for being honest and open about your struggles.
Something else...
I think it's odd for a child NOT to be difficult and D and Landon's age. I think it's just their nature. They are testing their boundaries constantly.
D has good days and bad, but his bad days can be pretty rough. We just take it one day at a time. ;)
Daisyeyes, you are so right about the guilt. As Christians, I feel like my child should not act the way he does. We are a family at church 3 X's a week, how can this behavior come from MY child? And his future concerns me. Will he be able to "grow out of it" and be a kind person? Right now I just do the best I can and pray. A lot.
I am way behind on my blogging and reading of blogs so I am just now getting to this.
I think that article is very interesting. I have read two books that touch on some of the very same things when it comes to boys. They are:
Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson
and
Wild at Heart by John Eldridge
I highly recommend them to any one raising a boy. The Wild at Heart was spot on and though I don't agree with everything James Dobson preaches I found his book very insightful. Both Christian authors would agree mostly with the Newsweek article so it is interesting to see it said by a secular source. Both think the education system in America is geared more to how females learn and therefore our boys are being left out and behind as they just can't conform because that is not the way God wired or intended them to be.
I have no answers and do agree with Dr. U in that I think moderation is the key to school and extracurricular activities. Boys need the time to be boys and need to be allowed to do so. If you have the time and inclination, read those books. They are great for Mommy's to read to help us understand these boys we live with (grown and child). However, there are no quick fixes or answers for what to do in the book, just more insight into the way God created boys.
As for behavior, I think everyone struggles with being embarrassed with their kids behavior. We all want our kids to act the right way and do the right things. However, our kids are sinners and aren't going to. It is such a struggle to be a parent!
Know that you aren't alone dealing with tantrums, whining, and selfishness! There are plenty of days I am ready to wring my own little man's neck!
Hang in there!
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